Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
