Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
