I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
