He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
