Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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