The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
