....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
