I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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