Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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