carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
