i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
