so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize