Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
