i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
