My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
...so i touched it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Small penises have feelings too.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
