I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
