It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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