even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
