not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
