My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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