I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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