i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
