Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
