My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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