I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
