I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
