I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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