What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
