How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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