she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
