Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
