Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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