can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
