Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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