He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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