I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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