It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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