I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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