ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
