Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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