By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
