And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
