Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
wow bdsm is so cute
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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