Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
