he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
