hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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