dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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