you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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