ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Shame - the story of my life.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
