Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently you make a good broom.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
