If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
