the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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