Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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