Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
