I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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