I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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